Throb.
Some things aren’t explainable.
Some things can’t be put in words.
Somethings felt can only be felt.
‘Nothing pains some people more than having to think. Martin Luther King Jr’
As we go through each day, lessons are learnt. Some beautiful and the others leave your heart scarred, for a while or maybe for life. Contrary to what you were possibly thinking, we are not here to talk about the great moments.
I’ve seen people become a shadow of themselves from things they’ve experienced. Some of the most heart-wrenching feelings I’ve experienced in my short life have come (unfortunately) from the hands of Family.
A couple of years ago (i never really say, maybe that’s my coping mechanism), “one” of the lights in my tunnel went out…
…the most beautiful woman ever went back to the heavens.
Nothing in this life can ever prepare you for that kinda pain.
Unfortunately, as the firstborn, you have to walk the part. The final processes and all, I couldn’t mistakenly show any form of weakness; I remember one aunt telling me “there’s a good reason you are blessed with these shoulders, you have to suck it up. Your siblings need a source of strength. Walk tall.”
Don’t worry. We will come back to this.
2014 (this date might not be accurate, I just know it was a long time ago), I was chasing this particular Akwa Ibom babe. Silm babe with curves and edges in the right places, diastema (yes, find out the meaning AGBAYA), dimples, dark like 3 in 1 coffee, beautiful smile.
She came visiting one day and based on one or two, a kiss happened. Then something awkward happened. She started crying. See me believing that my kiss walked in power and miracles…LOOOOOOOOOOL.
Babe, was the kiss that good?
She responds “You are the first person that I’ve kissed willingly.”
Me “I’m not following”
After about 20mins of begging her to speak…
She “I was constantly abused for 3 years by my mothers’ brother. It stopped when we moved houses and he didn’t move with us. At first, I never really understood what was going on, but 2 years into it, I figured it out”
It’s quite fascinating how your friends, colleagues and even siblings walk around with some form of pain that leaves them second-guessing everything. It took her almost 10 years to open up and another 4 years to pull out of it.
…
Remember that part I said we will go back to? This is it
Walking tall is the reason people have drums of feelings (which most likely is pain) they never express. They just live their days, compartmentalise that pain and move on.
They are gonna hate me for this (that’s if they actually read it), however, I’m gonna say it still…
My siblings are probably the best thing to ever happen to me but the worst hard guys in this life and I don’t blame them. We never got around to articulating our emotions early in life. But God gave me one superpower and I’m glad that I can use it anytime.
Sister is in another state. Brother is on a different end of Lagos. Even without talking to them, I can tell when something is wrong with either of them. They could be having a bad time at work and I can sense it. They could be sick and I’ll just feel it.
Maybe it’s the firstborn thing, I can just always tell when something is wrong with either one of them. I’ve seen them grow and not try to show emotions in any way; they’ve become masters of hiding things and I just always laugh at them when I ask and they say they’re fine…only to come back later and narrate wassup later.
…
So you’re sitting there wondering where this is going yea?
Alright, lemme go home.
I started 2021 with so much rage and bottled up emotions, it made me a different shade of myself. One funny thing about this was this pain was fueled by a sense of entitlement.
“Why will I be treated like this?”
“Why will he/she speak to me like that?”
We get it!
Yes, you’ve been dealt a bad hand.
Yes, they acted a fool.
Yes, they were very rude.
Yes, they don’t have manners.
Yes, they treated you bad.
I always believed that I was right and I had every good reason to be offended. What’s important is that a lotta times, you have to let go for You.
Protect your joy. Preserve your peace.
….
I did not get better because I wanted to. I got better because I had to! I opened up to someone and after about 2 months of trying to see my point of view, she looked at me and said “you are killing yourself carrying all this pain and walking the streets of Lagos. It’s too much pressure for you and you are a shadow of yourself and that’s not fair on the man you want to become”.
How do we deal with this pain?
2 things I did.
- I found comfort in God.
Matthew 11:28–30 ESV
Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
2. I found comfort in the right counsel.
No matter the drama, my siblings are the first point of call. We’ve built a system that helps us find safe space with each other and it has made us a lot closer!
There’s also my support system. Can’t mention names before you know that I know a lot of famous people.
They refuse to allow me to wallow in self-pity for more than 10mins before they slap me with the truth and clear my doubts! Brutal set of people. Sometimes I wish I could run away; but what is a man that can’t take correction or counsel? Don’t worry, I know the answer.
…
We are a few days away from the most interesting holiday of the year, it is a great time to reflect on the reason for this season.
Jesus’s birth revolves around 1 major thing: A fresh beginning.
It’s the end of the year and it will be ridiculous to carry baggage into the new year. It’s a good time to let go. In fact, it’s the right time to let go.
We all have had enough! 2021 tried but we overcame.
My darling, take a deep breath, Let Go!
Dear reader, I wish you all the very best in the holidays and the remaining days of the year.
You can’t wait until life doesn’t hurt anymore before you decide to be happy.