Profiling.
Because of the culture that we are from, you assess people only by their dressing or appearance, you will make mistakes… — Sam Adeyemi.
Why?
I don’t know if you have a bucket list…I do sha. Yes, I have lotta things on that list, sometimes when I look at the list, and as the popular saying goes “E choke”!
About a month ago, I ticked something off the list…I dyed my hair.
Yes, I know, it doesn’t seem like something I would do; yes, you can stop imagining it now. It took me almost 7 weeks to make the decision and also choose the hair colour.
It took a struggle to do IT. Yea, it’s not something I’m accustomed to and but I just wanted to do it. I was on the phone with my sister for a long time before I finally entered the salon.
Ever since I got it done, I’ve seen people look at me like I wasn’t human. In the famous words of Bad Boy Timz — “O shocki won Bakan”.
I did it because I wanted to.
One evening on the streets of Lagos, after a long day, an elderly woman stopped on my way home, and asked: “young man, are you a child of God?”
Ofcos I was startled, with a resounding smile, I answered: “bible-believing, church-going, tongue talking child of God!”
She hissed and walked away.
I will never understand why it seems appropriate for women to have coloured hair and men not to?!
Moving on…
One thing I’ve always wondered is why our society profiles us before we can even say anything. Would it be wrong to say, as a culture or society, we are very judgemental people?
Walk with me.
Based on experience, you will confirm that at some point in your life, you have faced the 3 major categories of profiling. Well, this depends on which side of the world you live on.
Category 1 — Starter
Generational.
This one! It comes at you early in life. You don’t even ask for it. It just slaps you like early morning bad breath!
I’m sure you’re wondering how?
- Walk past an elder you know and not greet. — Proud
- (this applies to the Yorubas) when you greet and you don’t prostrate fully or your knees don’t touch the ground. — Mannerless
- Spend more than 2 minutes on the phone — Spendthrift (that thing the Yorubas call — Apa)
- Get home after dark. — joined the bad gang.
- See you talking to the opposite sex. — prostitute (P.S this one is not gender-specific)
- Asleep at 6:30 am. — lazy goat.
- I don’t think I wanna be a doctor/lawyer/accountant. — Jon Snow
Category 2 — Main Course
Peer pressure.
This one is particularly interesting because it’s a team effort. Like we decide with people we know and people we don’t, to “unnecessarily” tension ourselves.
- He’s too short. — Okay.
- Receding hair-line. — right.
- No beards. — we can use beard oil.
- Uses android. — but it works.
- lives on the mainland. — it’s a lot more fun, trust me.
- watches cartoons. — gives peace of mind please (note: Cartoons! not anime)
- Doesn’t wear makeup. — it’s her face na
- 28 and lives in his parents’ house. — Excuse me, Jesus hasn’t moved out na.
- His view, Her view. — God when?
- Supports Arsenal. — maybe I agree with this one.
Category 3 — Dessert
This one? When I’m done with this one, I will fall from the table myself.
It’s the offspring of the first 2. The ripple effect.
After facing the first 2, this one comes like a thief in the night; gently romancing your thoughts after a long day, creeping in like heat when NEPA takes light.
- Am I really good enough? — Ofcos you are. Premium jollof rice.
- My nose is too big. — Have you seen Ibrahimovic?
- Am I really pretty? — Who set the benchmark for prettiness?
- Maybe I’m not intelligent. — School doesn’t determine that. There’s a path for everyone. Find yours.
- Will I ever find love? — LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. Ofcos. Look at me! Hard guy. Hard guy. Cupid!!
This one is done by YOU to YOURSELF!
You slowly start to second guess yourself, you start to look at everything around you as much better without you, you suddenly don’t think anything you do is good enough.
I have news for you.
STOP.
The earlier you realise that you are the only one that can make yourself happy, you will start to walk in that consciousness!
Yes. I did have esteem issues growing up. I didn’t think I was good enough. Occasionally still have that feeling when I don’t get things right.
Nope, I was not always been this beautiful and yes it was a struggle(are you done rolling your eyes..?), nope I also wasn’t always intelligent, I failed a lot too.
I realised very late that I was looking for validation from people and that slowed me down — mentally and emotionally. Now, I’ve been able to push beyond all of that and I’m working every minute to do everything for myself.
In closing, (please sit down, I’m about to enter my inspire to aspire mode),
Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate and value you. — Roy T. Bennett.
Find the right people who will not focus on your insecurities. Your circle should want to see you win, your circle should be pushing you every day, your circle should encourage your growth.
If your circle isn’t helping you, supporting and speaking positive thoughts to you, and, calling you out on your bullshit…? Then I have news for you.
Life is not getting easier, you need the right circle to always speak the right energy into you no matter what!
…surround yourself with people who have a revelation of you. Some people don’t know you, they are basically labelling you after your mistakes, labelling you after your circumstances. You don’t hang around such people that are running down your self-esteem and hurting you. — Sam Adeyemi.