Men are scum.
Seeing the title, I’m sure there was just one thing that came to your mind. Is nor “winchi-winchi”. I just knew. (you can stop rolling your eyes at this point).
You must have thought this was gonna be a practical story about how I, the Yoruba Angel must have done some despicable act and you’re waiting for me to spill the beans. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
Yes, I’m here to spill the beans, but trust me, this one na Ewa Agoyin!!!
Anyways…
*inserts Lil Wayne’s majestic lighter entrance*
So…
I’m working on this project and it started recently, one of the perks of this project is I have to go to the market. On this fateful day, the market was actually “Oke-Arin”, Lagos central market.
Shall we go down memory lane?
The last time I was at that market, was when I just finished from King’s College and I needed to get my credentials and all. Let’s just say 2007 or 2008.
Now, I’ve always hated going to the market, why? A long time ago when my mother was around (of Blessed memory), I had to follow her to the market one time; let’s just say…I fought many wars that day.
Has your mum ever done that “wait for me here, I’ll be back soon”? thing for you in the market? Only to show up after 2 hours empty-handed and you’re there like…
Anyways, we got to the market about 11 am-ish!
Like all sane individuals, we already had a list. So we were prepared to go and conquer.
The people I went with knew where we were going, so I figured that made it easier. *Eshinshin carry belle*
First store? Now, wait a minute.
I have a question for women, WHY?
Why do you do this thing? Go to fifteen stores asking for the same thing? you found it in the first one, can we just actually buy what we need to buy and move on?
No! They didn’t get that memo.
At the first store, we had seen what we were looking for, however, the Head of the team said to the store owner… ‘we are coming, keep 5 dozen”.
I was like…not bad. This should be a good day.
Fast forward 3/4 shops down the line, we got to this woman’s shop. She had nice things, the moment we walked in, all her service attendants were following us upandan and showing us wassup.
In my mind, I was like, we should actually just finish here today and be going home. I was in for a shocker!
Ladies and gentlemen, we were in this store for 90mins. FAM! Do you know what is? 2 halves of football. Awa Team head and store owner started bonding over market issues and deliberated over everything in her shop.
Lemme answer the question in your mind, did we buy anything there? Yes, we did.
after about a 100mins sha, trying to pay and all; we finally left.
7 is usually regarded as the perfect number, ofcos for plenty reasons!
We walked into the 7th shop. Very nice shop and we saw something else that we wanted. We had searched for it for a long while (also at different markets. Ofcos I wasn’t there).
Next question. This one I wanna know the answer.
Where do you people learn how to bargain? Is there a manual that says, once you hear a price…say you’re gonna pay the tithe (one-tenth version of the price?)
She picks up the item and asks how much. Shop owner says how much, and then the conversation goes this way
Seller: Madam, this thing na ₦10,000.
Me: it’s not bad for 6 or 7k
My mum: Oga, I see this thing for one place for 750. Make I give you ₦800.
Me:
I was so confused, I walked away saying that I had a phone call. Like Ah ahnnnnn, please fear God. I was gone for about 5/6 minutes playing game on my phone and tweeting.
I got back and met the man with a huge frown and the Team Head rolling her eyes, I was already waiting for an epic “please leave my shop” from the owner.
Brethren, the council of elders, my accurate timekeepers and fellow learned colleagues…we bought the item for ₦1,200.
Another reason the market isn’t a good place for men is because of women.
Say you are single, and you go to that Lagos market, confusion will fall on you. I don’t think Owambe is a good place to meet babes and all. They are already “caked” up.
I almost lost my salvation that precious day. How do women not know that they look more beautiful with no makeup on? (Thank God for Psalm 23)
Like…HOW?????????????
Walked into one Alhaja’s shop. Typical Lagos woman. Fine Alhaja. She was finer than all her shop attendants. Then some babes walked in, 4 of them. Even the Alhaja had to say…’’ thank God my husband didn’t come visiting today”.
Everywhere you look, there’s some pretty woman who’s most likely arguing over price with a shop owner, and amid all the market bruhaha (you see, me sef know book small) you can really tell that Nigerian women are the most beautiful beings ever.
Premium just like Basmati Jollof with plantain toppings.
I look at women in that particular element and marvel, they do market runs with ease. How do you do it? You women are the real MVPs.
Me? I’m sorry. I don’t like stress.
Finally, I don’t know who you are, neither do I know where you are…
Just know one thing…he doesn’t like going to market.
P.S
We left the market at 05:45 pm